I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
