O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize