I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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