oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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