we're blogging at a bar
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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