He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
