wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
