you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize