you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
