I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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