I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
