So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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