Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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