So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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