Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Text me some of your sweat
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
