He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
