Will you blow on my dice?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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