Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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