I think i peed on brittanys purse
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
