i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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