I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My life is pants optional.
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