Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
