Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
