Swine flu. Run for my life!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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