I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
