Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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