Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
