I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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