Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
