i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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