Don't make out with my wife yet
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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