As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
