if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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