"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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