walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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