Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We left an ass print on the piano.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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