I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
