belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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