ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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