Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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