porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
