Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
