don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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