How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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