I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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