I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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