Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
