peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
