I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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