I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
