Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
