why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
