I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
