Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
