It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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