sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
