You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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