So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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