It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
