There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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