ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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