I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
