He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize