I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
