I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
