Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You did what with his pubic hair?
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