I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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