did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize