Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
