I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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