I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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