vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
