I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
