Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
